I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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