Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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