I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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