they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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