I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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