A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
