Umm I'm too high to move.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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