No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
