he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
