I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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