I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
