Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
