Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
