is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
