That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
