spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
