You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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