so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
