My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
