ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
