I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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