Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
