I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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