I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
