If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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