he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
