Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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