she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
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so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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