so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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