i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
