Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
