I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
