he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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