I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
