its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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