You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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