just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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