Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
