tell your sister to shave her snatch
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
