There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
