problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
