I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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