I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The best revenge is premature balding
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
