The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
