lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
