I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
