Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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