Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
