Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
