Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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