My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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