Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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