Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
