I hate your face
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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