awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize