if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He keeps bees of course he's weird
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
