They should really pass out barf bags in church
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
