I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
