Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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