Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
