Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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