I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
