I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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